it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am available for nakedness
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
