just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
