It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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