There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
