You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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