i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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