seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
