it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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