I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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