my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
