allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize