I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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