If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
