Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
