I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
