proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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