ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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