I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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