there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
