how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
