im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
