So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
