my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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