In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
