Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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