Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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