That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
