Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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