remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
