I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
