He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
