I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize