So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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