I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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