can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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