I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
