just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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