no, he came in my armpit
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
