Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
