im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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