she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's rum buckets o'clock
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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