i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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