I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
