Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
