I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
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I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset