sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is