Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
