the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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