I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
