Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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