there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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