YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
