I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
