Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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