If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
