bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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