Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm really busy with my period
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