so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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