my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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