I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
