I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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