did you get engaged???
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
