Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
