I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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