I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
