dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
