I am puke
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
