So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
