I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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