3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This house was built for laser tag.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
