At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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