pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm drive I can fine osifer
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
