Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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